“But right now, they got to do what’s right for them. Because it’s their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it’s our time. It’s our time down here.” Michael Walsh, Goonies.
Tonight something odd happened that I want to share. I went to my son’s musical, it was the final performance. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I’m so happy seeing him doing something he loves.
The director made her obligatory thank-yous to all the parents who put so much time and help into the production. I felt a sting in my gut. That used to be me, the parent helper, always so involved in my kids lives and passions. I have been involved in so many productions so they can have authentic experiences that sometimes I felt like I was drowning. There was a time not so long ago that I had a thought “this is who I am now, so involved in my children’s lives that there is no me.” I couldn’t see a light at the end of that tunnel.
Tonight the director was thanking parents and I realized I was not one of them. I gathered my son’s costumes and donated some cupcakes made by my daughter for the fundraiser. That is all I did. I didn’t even help transport any props.
It wasn’t a comfortable feeling, this new chapter. I am wondering if the other parents talk together while painting sets “Where is So-and-so’s mom? We never see her!”
I turned in my last assignment for the semester today. It felt amazing. If not a bit anti-climactic as I closed my laptop and did a little happy dance by myself. My husband is working a double shift this weekend and phoned me as soon as I texted him the news. “How are you going to celebrate?” He asked me.
“I want to organize the house.” I told him. “I want to go grocery shopping. I want to go running with my friends.” None of these things are glamorous, but they have been a part of my identity for so long…
It’s a very strange dynamic this mom-student thing. I had these ideals when I started this last semester, I just knew with proper planning I could get everything done, from walking the dog in the morning to running with friends and spending time with the family. I would be the first woman to find that magical concept of balance. I think I made it 3 weeks, which looking back, is amazing but also that first week of school is really just ice-breaker activities so does it even count?
Anyhow my point is, I need to be comfortable letting the other parents help, because “right now, they got to do what’s right for them. Because it’s their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it’s my time. It’s my time down here.” Quotation changed for artistic interpretation by me.