Although my technical knowledge has grown leaps and bounds over the course of this semester, the tools I have are not a reflection of that growth.
I’m a simple person, who never felt the need to upgrade my computer. I always buy the cheapest phone my carrier offers because I am not a person that has spent a lot of time with my technology. I am even satisfied with my very low-grade camera which is so sad because I did attend photography school in the late 90s with dreams of being a photo-journalist. (Think National Geographic.)
To prepare for school I pulled a very large, dusty, slow laptop out of a drawer and asked a friend to wipe its memory clean for me. I wanted a fresh start for the both of us and was hoping this maintenance might make one or both of us faster.
This is the only computer in a household full of children’s school loaned Chromebooks that is Microsoft program compatible. It is slowly falling apart. The doo-hickey on the side that holds CDs or discs opens at random moments. The charger sometimes charges, the battery sometimes holds battery life. It lasts about 20 whole minutes unplugged. Yesterday the old gal decided she might be done. I have given her a pep talk, some CPR and a good push with those paddles that pump electric currents into hearts that have stopped beating…Still it’s on a wing and prayer that we enter our last seven days of this semester together. Whilst I was writing this she blacked out again. She’s been like this all week. Will she cross the finish line with me? (Not apologizing for another running reference. )
I don’t know if I have more words than all the words I have previously used to describe the growing pains I have felt over this three long months. I would say highs and lows but in all honesty it has been lows and lows.
Weird to type that. I am being graded and I have straight As, but if I were grading myself on perfecting the skills introduced to me this semester I would be failing myself.
I think I’ve stated this before somewhere along this line of woe-unto-me filled posts…the more I learn, the more I realize I have to learn.
I have so much to learn.
I once had a blog called “Good is Enough” and that has often been my motto in life. I remember in 7th grade Honors English class we were creating presentations for a big history fair. My partner was spending so much time on the details of our display. She would get out her ruler and make sure the angles on our construction paper cut-outs were straight and exact. She would make sure the margins on our printouts were perfectly even. We argued a lot that night as we glued and chopped, printed and cut our way through our tri-fold poster board project. I am surprised our friendship survived. I had never known that type of perfectionism existed. We won 3rd place that year, out of our whole school, crooked corners and all.
I hope my partner learned what was engrained in my mind after that experience…that “good” was “enough.” I am trying to adopt that mantra once again. Being in school now means so much more to me than it ever did. I have so many reasons I need to excel, and while I am not quite ready to go and offer myself up to the marketing world, I am pretty sure my computer isn’t coming with me.
We both need rest and an upgrade. One of us probably needs to retire to the place that old laptops go when they’ve served their special purpose…shhhh…don’t let her hear me say that. I need her with me for just a few days more…